A GRIEF UNDONE
In July 2018, a recurring problem is on my mind. I have the feeling that I struggle to achieve my goals. I have realized many of my dreams, but there are some areas in which I don’t feel completely accomplished. I have phases of deep melancholy and sometimes I have trouble doing things just for myself.
I tell a clairvoyant friend about it and she tells me that I « carry » my deceased aunt with me. That I am « loyal » to her in a way and that it keeps me from being really myself and making my plans. I’m a little surprised because I thought I’ve « sent her in heaven » just a few years ago by doing a ritual advised by a Sophie, a therapist in the Basque country.
She had asked me if there had been a tragic death in the family and I immediately thought of my mother’s sister who disappeared at sea with her two boys. It was after the fall of Saigon, she didn’t want to live under the communist governement. My mother begged her not to leave. The chances of reaching port were not great, the risks of drowning or being captured by probable pirates. She had no news after she left on a boat people. Later, one of my aunts dreamed of her, soaked, asking her to let her come in the bed because she was cold.
So Sophie advised me to choose a place and plant a cross in the ground to serve as a burial ground since the bodies were never found. (Sophie tells me that for about 18 months now, she has been working with dates and pendulum boards to identify the facts more easily and that it is working well)
So I went to the beach with the cross I made. I had a hard time getting there as if an invisible force was pushing me back. I walked forward as if a strong wind was blowing in front of me. I did the ritual for my aunt and her two sons. So this summer, hearing that I had my aunt on me was a disappointment « Again! » I thought to myself…
My friend told me about the ancestor syndrome. When a person died in traumatic, brutal or premature circumstance, his/her death not being well accepted in a family, it creates a replacement child. Dr. Salomon Sellam has highlighted in his study signs to locate an ancestor’s ghost.
Way of being
He may have the impression of not living his life, of having dark thoughts, of being a spectator of his life, of being held back in his existence, of self-sabooting…..
Immobility, sleeps on his back, arms along his body, snoring, bruxism. He may develop certain diseases that evoke the rigidity of a dead person: paralysis, Parkinson’s disease, multiple sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis. As well as psychological diseases that evoke dissociation: schizophrenia, hyperactivity, autism…
In clothing: preference for black, preference for dark rooms, absence of noise, tendency to be cautious, taste for cemeteries.
He can be attracted by heights (to be close to the angels), the professions linked to the sky….
He can have the same first name too. There are also typical first names that evoke the recumbent. Example: René, ée (born again), Sylvie (if she lives), Gilles (ci-gît), Laurent ( death by drowning), Sandrine (ashes), Vincent « came without his brother or sister »…
He/she is conceived and born after the death of an ancestor whose date of birth, among other things, matches one of the dates (birth, conception, death) of this ancestor. I have the exact same date of birth as my aunt. And some recurrent symptoms of recurrences.
So I decided to do a ritual with my husband’s help to make my aunt leave. I don’t know if it was his ghost that was hanging on to me or if it was a simple psychosomatic reaction of the body to a transgenerational heritage. I was in a classic childbirth position and I asked her to leave, that I couldn’t be myself and that I was suffering a lot. I helped her find the light. I was expecting my grandmother to come get her. And it was her sons who came. My aunt told me that what she regretted most was that her decision to leave resulted in the death of her sons (Regret is one of the things that can keep a soul on earth. I unfortunately cannot check if what I saw and heard was « real »).
What was most visible was the spectacular weight loss that followed this ritual. I lost 22 pounds in 1 month and did nothing special. I have always done a certain amount of weight and the new weight reached was inconceivable to me. I was feeding and carrying a second person inside me?
Moreover, if we conceive that the belly is the second brain, our emotional state would condition the way we assimilate food? This would explain why the same food given to two different people does not give the same body.
I finally managed to talk in NVC (non-violent communication) to my mother and sister, telling them that I wanted to get out of a dynamic where I had the role of bringing back a missing sister. I didn’t understand why I kept running after my sister who didn’t want to be present in my life. This behaviour did not belong to me. All these years being angry with them and it did me a lot of good to be able to explain things without imposing or expecting anything. A great sense of peace and freedom.
I wanted to wear coloured clothes, I realized that there were a lot of black colours in my wardrobe. Colours energize me, make me feel alive, creative.
Six months have passed, my figure is stabilizing. I see I still have things to work on. It may take time to let go of the mechanisms that have been in place for years. Unless it’s another injury… The cleaning continues…
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